i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
