I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
