i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
