Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
