At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
