Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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