I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
