Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
