If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
