I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
