last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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