Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
