First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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