I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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