I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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