You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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