do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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