I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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