i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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