He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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