I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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