i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
