another moral hangover. fuck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
