i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
