it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
