Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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