just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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