you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
