This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
false alarm, still single
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
