Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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