Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
