walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?