my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.