Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
