its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
