Just cropdusted the office
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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