Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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