remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
