Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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