I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
