And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My liver just had a heart attack.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
