Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
