so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
