I accidentally burped into my bong.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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