ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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