allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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