Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
