forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
