if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
