I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
