Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize