i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
