sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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