Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
