Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
