8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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