you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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