Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
