He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
