I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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