Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
