but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
